From the series of notes “May you grow old together!” on the topic of not aging each other!
Ebrahim Aslani
Psychologist and Family Counselor
Director of Branch 2 at Nikoo School
“May you grow old together!” This is probably a phrase you utter when you hear that a boy and a girl have married. It’s a good and beautiful prayer and wish. If only all young couples would enter married life with such intention from the bottom of their hearts and under one roof. “Old age” in this prayer evokes a good feeling. Firstly, it is a sign of longevity. Secondly, it conveys the wish to be together for many years. Thirdly, it emphasizes building together and compatibility in marital life.
Nevertheless, when I hear that someone has gotten married, in the congratulatory message I send, I also say or write: “May you grow old together, but do not age each other”. It might sound a bit funny, but it is very serious. I also pray that the couples grow old together, but we should not overlook the quality of aging; growing old together at what cost?
“Burning and Building” may work elsewhere, but in married life and matrimony, it is not always acceptable. Men and women come together to be each other’s source of peace, not a source of torment and constant nagging! Men and women who, from the beginning of life or later stages, are merely forced to endure each other, will not find peace easily. Throughout life, moments of happiness may sometimes calm the situation, but as they grow older, the torment and hardship will increase. Modern-day husbands and wives, who have less patience and endurance, sometimes choose a relatively easy way out and get divorced.
Married life requires tricks and skills that if we don’t know, we must learn, practice, and exchange. To put it better, these skills are two-sided and it is not logical for a wife or husband to step aside for any reason or justification.
